I grew up in Upstate New York where the biggest, meanest snake I ever encountered was a garter snake and yet I was TERRIFIED of snakes.
I don’t know why.
I don’t know if something tramatic happened when I was little.
I don’t know if I was murderized by a snake in a past life.
All I know is that I totally panic at the sight of anything that even remotely resembles a snake – like sticks, vines, power cords, large worms – you name it. If it can even give the slightest snake impression I go into panic mode.
Heart pounding, cold sweat, fight or flight, “Holy shit” panic mode – it’s not normal. I had a full on phobia.
Luckily, living in New York State there is a large portion of the year in which the world is thankfully snake free. I can walk on trails, move piles of brush, and basically live a normal life.
I never knew how much I took that for granted until I moved to Texas.
I don’t think they even have garter snakes in Texas because all the bigger, fatter, and more venomous snakes eat them for breakfast. Not only are there a dozen species of rattlesnake but also cottonmouths, and copperheads. And they’re EVERYWHERE almost ALL THE TIME!
I dreaded walking outside and those trails that I love so much…nope. I couldn’t walk on them without panicking. I scanned the lawn, the porch (where I once found a coral snake), the garage floor, every rock or pile of branches or leaves I passed, and I was constantly freaking the fuck out.
And as you know by now, I’m buying land out in the middle of nowhere with pasture, woods, and outdoor animals that lay snake enticing things like eggs.
I looooooove nature.
And I looooooove our new land.
And I’m sad that I’m not going to enjoy it because I’m going to be too panicked whenever I set foot outside.
And let’s face it, I’m going to see snakes (omg I just freaked out a little just writing that) and I’m going to have to deal with them.
So what do I do?
PLAN A: Snake Farm Zoo
The name is really brilliant actually. They have tons of snakes, some farm animals, and an assortment of other “zoo” animals. It’s incredibly descriptive without giving away any specifics like “giant indoor pit of rattlesnakes” or “fat mini pigs that can barely walk” or “we have a camel!”
They keep it simple, Snake Farm Zoo.
The rest is left to your imagination.
I don’t want to spoil the experience for you but they did have all of those things – a giant indoor pit of rattlesnakes, fat mini pigs, and a camel. And they had oh-so-much-more!
It was perfect for me to work on my snake phobia.
From the moment we walked in the door we had to walk down a narrow aisle lined – on both sides – with snakes of various sizes and venom levels. The Western Diamondback – a Texas snake – got 3 skulls and crossbones.
I inched my way down the aisle, feeling my skin crawl and the hair stand up on the back of my neck as I tried to look to my left and right at the same time. I couldn’t face one tank without turning my back on the other. Panic rose in my chest and my mouth felt full of cotton balls while small children skipped past, giggling and bouncing from one display to the next.
I took a deep breath and pressed on.
The cobra was quite active but thank God not a Texas snake…oh but all three rattlesnakes there – all Texas…
Deep breath.
Deeeeeeep breath…
I don’t think Leah even noticed my panic. I feel like it’s best to hide the fact that I may at any moment bolt and push small children down as I scramble to escape. I didn’t want to alarm her or have any parents nearby overhear me.
And slowly, as I inched my way down the aisle, my curiosity got the best of me and I started to enjoy the chance to get so close to so many fascinating snakes. Most of them just curled up and dozed under their heat lamps so I could marvel at their bright colors and differently shaped heads.
And they started to not feel so scary.
By the end of our visit I even touched a snake that one of the “zookeepers” held out to us.
It reminded me of when I met our Ranken’s Dragon, Skippy. I’d never touched a reptile before. I’d never, ever, ever wanted to…but Skippy…there was something really sweet about him. And now he’s one of my favorite pets. He doesn’t make any noise, sleeps 6 months out of the year, and loves to hang out and watch me write on my laptop.
Hmmmm…maybe I need a pet snake…
PLAN B perhaps?